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Venture Brothers Het and Gen Fanfic

Hello and a fic

Venture Brothers Het and Gen Fanfic

Hello and a fic

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frollo quasimodo
Hey all you new friends,

Just a couple weeks ago I was introduced to Venture Bros. by a good friend of mine (I have no cable, poor me) and, after watching the season and most of the second (I have a rather hectic life, and my progress is slow), I am fully addicted.

Anyhow, I have been creating cracko pairings and writing crackfic since I can remember, and Venture Bros. has turned out to be no different. I apologize, but I cannot control it. It is, far as I can tell, ingrained in my system. But this causes me to fall for complete weirdos too, so if I upset anyone console yourself with the fact that I am a freak.

So, here is my crackfic of a crackpairing. Love it, hate it, print it out and use it as kindling. Let me know what you think.

CrackFic: Ten Months After Christmas
Crackpairing: White/Triana (I know, right? BUT I CAN'T STOP HELP HELP HELP)

A/N: This is what happens after watching A Very Venture Christmas at 3 am. Yes, they are now my favorite crack pairing. Sorry all you Dean/Triana shippers. Dean/Triana is cute too, don't get me wrong, but this just had to be done. Someone had to do it. I humbly volunteer myself.

T to be safe, due to teens drinking beer, naughty language, and vaguely thematic ending if you wanna read it like that. I prefer to be ambiguous; it's more fun that way.

PS - all this belongs to those guys that created the Venture Bros., except for the name of Tim Tordin. I made him up.

Triana Orpheus stomped across the Venture compound grounds. It was a chilly night – she shivered and wished she had put on a jacket before she left. But she’d been too, well, pissed off.

“Dad, WHY did you put a curse on Tim Tordin? I know it was you. Not everyone can make someone do that Exorcist head-twisting thing,” she’d said after getting home from a complete fiasco at the movie theatre.

“Pumpkin, I could sense HIGHLY malevolent intent. His MIND was simply RIBALD.”

“Dad, he brushed his hand against mine during a freaky part of Halloween IV. It’s not like he felt me up or anything.”

“Perhaps not.” Her father turned from studying a massive, ancient book written in who-knows-what kind of runes. “But you have no idea, simply NO IDEA, Pumpkin, what I would do to him if he had done ANYTHING so utterly…utterly ATROCIOUS.”

“Can’t you stop spying on me whenever I have a date? Most girls don’t have to go through this, you know. They have NORMAL fathers.”

“NORMAL? Pumpkin, I am perfectly NORMAL.” With a wave of Dr. Orpheus’ hand, the old book shut and floated back to its place on the bookshelf.

“Give me a break! There’s a freakin’ portal to the UNDERWORLD in my CLOSET. There’s nothing NORMAL about you!”

And, well, the argument had only degenerated from there. And now she was outside. Without a coat. And there was no way in hell she was going to go back inside just yet. That would mean a truce, and her father going all jelloid and sticky-sweet over her, trying to cajole her into forgiveness (hell, he’d even desperately promised to not spy anymore, trying to soothe her anger as she’d stormed out). And Triana wasn’t ready for that just yet.

Triana rubbed her arms and looked over at the Venture’s place. For a brief moment she thought of Dean – she suspected he had a bit of a thing for her, but he was so weird she could hardly tell what he was talking about half the time, let alone try to guess at his feelings – but she knew the family was away on one of their many escapades into some exotic, remote, dangerous locale. She also knew for a fact that a few decidedly un-friendly robots patrolled the premises when the family was away, so sneaking in was definitely out.

With a huff, Triana jogged out into the middle of the vast “backyard” of the compound, hoping a little more movement could keep her teeth from chattering too much. Winter was well on its way – many trees had already shed their leaves and the air had that sharp, snowy smell to it. The sun had already set, though it was only about eight pm, and that made it even colder.

So stupid, should have grabbed a coat.

Then she noticed the light on in the trailer just across the street. Those guys, Dr. White and the little guy, were they around? The thought of warmth and semi-familiar company was a tempting prospect. But it could be a little awkward.

Naw, he was just drunk or something that one time, she told herself. No big deal.

She scuffed her toe on the ground.

Oh, stop being such a pansy. It’s cold. Go say hi. They’re a couple of nerdy bachelors, what’s the harm in keeping them for company?

A short while later, she was knocking on the door. She could hear the TV going, and someone called for her to wait a moment.

“Sorry, I couldn’t find the remote. Did you forget your key agai- oh, hi there.” The albino answered the door, wearing a t-shirt and lounge pants that matched his skin. “What’s up?”

“Uh.” Triana looked up at him, then away. “Can I come in?”

“Oh, jeez, sorry bout that. Of course, come on in, you must be freezing in that.” He ushered her inside, stumbling over his words. It was pretty obvious these guys didn’t often get female visitors. “So, uh, what’s going on?”

“Fight with my dad. Can I chill here for a bit?”

“Um.” White looked utterly baffled. “Well, sure, I guess. Have a seat. You want some popcorn? I was just gonna make some.”

“Sure.” Triana turned to look at the TV screen. “What are you watching?”

“Oh, just some old sci-fi flicks. Really ancient stuff, you know….” The scientist went on babbling and Triana listened to the pleasant lull of his eastern accent without actually paying attention, allowing herself to relax and take in the cozy, warm surroundings. Her fingertips were warming up again. She rubbed them together.

“Where’s your friend?” She asked as White came back and handed her a beer (does he know I’m too young to drink this? she wondered briefly) and put the popcorn on the coffee table.

“Oh, Billy? He’s visiting his mother or something. Returning to the old homestead anyway. So, I’m having a Me Night tonight. He would never watch this shit with me. He prefers the classics.”

Triana glanced again at the screen, where what looked like a bunch of teenage boys in space suits were examining the burnt skeleton of what used to be a small dog or cat. “Oh. Sorry to interrupt your ‘Me Night.’”

“Aw, don’t worry about it. It’s nice to have some company besides Billy the Kid. Really.” White grinned at her, and she suddenly found herself wondering what he’d look like if he hadn’t been, well, pale enough to practically see through.


To Triana’s surprise, she and White ended up having a large amount in common. He wasn’t as annoying as her first impression of him (that awkward, failed attempt at a pick-up line during last year’s Christmas party) had indicated. Much to their mutual delight, there seemed to be a horrible-movie-marathon on that night, and the two laughed until tears came to their eyes.

Slowly, the space between them on the couch decreased. Around midnight, and after a couple more beers, White was in approximately the same position as poor Tim Tordin had been only hours before. His arm rested across the back of the couch, not touching her but close enough for her to feel its presence there.

It’s odd, she was thinking. At first glance he acts so flamboyant it’s hard to believe he’s straight. But after last year – not to mention seeing him flirt with that Monarch guy’s girlfriend – I don’t know what to think anymore. And though what had happened last year had, at the time, annoyed the living daylights out of her….well, she didn’t mind this.

She glanced over at him. He didn’t notice – he was laughing at some badly-written line. She felt her face get a little warm and she returned her gaze to the TV. What a weirdo, she thought. Totally NOT appealing. At all. Ever. He’s, like, almost as old as my dad. I think? Whatever. Too old.

But still,
she suddenly found herself asking, is that such a terrible thing? He doesn’t ACT that old or anything. Not lame-old anyway (much). But definitely cooler than any of the boys at my school. Not like that would take a whole lot, but still.

She snuck another glance.

But really, if he hadn’t been drunk, tried that move in front of my dad, made such a complete ass of himself and caused dad to make that scene ….would he have been kissable then?

Ew. No. No no no. No. I mean, he’s an
albino. Who wears pink.

She looked at him again. This time he noticed, his creepy red eyes meeting hers. He smiled, looking a little confused, and quickly turned to look back at the TV.

As time passed, Triana felt her eyelids getting a little heavy, and without realizing what she was doing, leaned against White’s shoulder. She was getting too relaxed, she knew, but her unflinching stubbornness forbid her from bidding Dr. White goodnight and returning home.

The movie ended, and White hit the mute button to drown out the annoying late-night infomercials. An awkward silence hung heavily between them. She could feel his hand nearly touching her shoulder.

“Hey,” she found herself mumbling sleepily. Oh no. Oh no you don’t. Don’t you dare. “That one time….were you drunk? Or what?” Oh fuck. You said it. Awkward awkward awkward.

“That one time? What do you mean?” She could hear the pretended ignorance in his voice.

“Don’t play dumb. When you hit on me at the Venture’s Christmas party.”

“Then? No. No, I wasn’t, uh, I wasn’t drunk.” His voice now seemed to have a VERY nervous edge to it. He got up suddenly, making Triana nearly fall over, and went over to the stereo. A familiar drumbeat began filtering from the lousy speakers, filling the silence that was clearly bothering him as well.

“Hey!” Triana began to wake up a little. “Isn’t that Adam and the Ants? I love that band.” She suddenly found herself smiling, despite the previously awkward situation.

“Ha! I knew you were a New Wave fan!” White turned to face her, now wearing that same, self-confident grin she’d seen at the Christmas party. He stroke towards her, obviously encouraged by their mutual taste and the rare smile on her lips. “So, uh, what were you saying about Christmas?” Putting one hand on the back of the couch – just next to her head – he leaned over her, still grinning.

Triana suddenly thought of what her father’s face would look like if he could see this, and her smile widened. “Just that I also like the Bauhaus. And that you don’t need a stupid pickup line and a plant on your head to kiss me.”

When White leaned down to do just that, he was somewhat startled by the teen wrapping her arms about his neck and pulling him roughly down onto the couch. It briefly flickered through his mind that this could be a) a brat’s revenge against her father and b) VERY bad for his health, but her lips tasted like candy and, at this point, he really didn’t give a fuck.


The next morning, the two awoke – still tangled together on the couch – to the mutual embarrassment of Master Billy Quizboy standing over them shreiking, “Oh, SHIT, dude. Dr. Orpheus is gonna KILL you.”

I'm also up on fanfic.net. Comment there too or whatever.
  • ...ok? XD I'll have to look for inspiration. Have a few ideas, but nothing's fully congealed yet....
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